Free/Ain't Free
Maybe it is because it's Breakup, Alaska's distant cousin to Spring. Maybe it is because we are already spending our Permanent Fund Dividend checks, despite not knowing how much (or little) that will be.
Or maybe it is because "just because."
Whatever the excuse, I've noticed several folks around here are suddenly spending money like drunken sailors on shore leave.
Or like sun-deprived Alaskans who are emerging out of their cold-induced funks into the manic glory of 24 hours per day of visible sunlight.
I am one of them.
Which is sort of odd because I generally do not like to shop. I especially do not like to browse. If I have to buy something, I want to get that one thing, and bail. I do not want to linger. I do not want to surf. Brick and mortar. Virtual. Do not matter. Buy and bail, that's me.
Usually.
During Breakup that changes. And that change is predictable. It starts with the arrival of my garden porn, aka seed catalogs. Suddenly I am forking over for heirloom seeds, multiple varieties of the same leafy green vegetable (why settle for a mere 3 kinds of kale?), and various gadgets I suddenly need when I never had before.
Next is the clothes and funky household items spree. It goes like this:
Me: Squee! Company X finally has exactly that perfect [fill in the blank] I've been looking for, for years! Yes! And there's a nice little sale on-line on that perfect [fill in the blank] that includes "FREE SHIPPING to Alaska." Of course, you have to spend a minimum of 75 bucks for that "FREE SHIPPING to Alaska" but who cares! I will get that perfect [fill in the blank] in several colors so I never have to buy that perfect [fill in the blank] again!
Company X: Dear Ms. Fleeks, We here at Company X love you but we really didn't intend to ship that 50 pound box to you for free. That offer is just for folks who live in the Continental US. Send us more money.
Me: Oh, puleeze. I do NOT owe you a dime. I got a Bachelor of Science DEGREE in GEOGRAPHY, you illiterate gussak. Do NOT make a sun-deprived sister whip off her ear muffs and school you about the North American plate.
Company X: Shit.
I have long maintained that it is clear that too much sunlight turns this otherwise sane Afro-Alaskan completely daft; see above.
Where I tend to completely lose it, tho, is books. Specifically inexpensive, used books that just call for being read while sprawled out in a super, duper, d-luxe, outdoor lounge chair in the glory that is an Interior Alaska afternoon. Or morning. Or anytime that is not o'bug-thirty, that special time when every mosquito and no-see-em decides to check out what you are grilling for dinner.
Now I read a lot. Always have. My tastes are small "c" catholic. Geography, history, light fiction, erotica, pop science, back of the cereal box. It does not matter. If it is in English or conversional level Spanish, I'll give it a go.
As I have gotten older, my tastes have developed a definite seasonality. I notice that I hit up non-fiction, pop science, biography, etc., mainly in the winter. Summertime, I binge on the gummie-bears-for-the-mind sections: mysteries, thrillers, all things Nora Roberts/Michael Connelly/James Lee Burke. Once we get past 10 hours of visible light here, I'm all about the genre fiction.
Which brings me back to free.
I also binge on iTunes this time of year. Specifically free podcasts. I love me some podcasts, especially of the story telling variety. I subscribe to a few new ones each spring and then load up as many episodes as I can to transfer to my elderly (PRODUCT)RED iPod.
By some sort of: a) wild coincidence, or b) nefarious quest for total global domination, many of these podcasts include offers for "free" audiobooks from Audible.com, which is a part of the on-line shopping behemoth, Amazon.com. As it happens I am an Amazon customer because it is one way I can get my hands on various widgets with "FREE SHIPPING to Alaska" with a minimum order of 25 bucks.
Which is how I finally got that totally indestructible cast iron wok that I suddenly really, really, really needed.
Again, too much sunshine = completely losing the plot.
This year I finally succumbed to the siren call of a "free" audiobook. "I'll just get the one," I thought. "No harm there." So I got an expensive one. For "free." He he! Suckas!
But wait ...
There apparently is a "sale." A pretty good one at that. Really. That book I've been meaning to read is about 22,000 hours long and about half price. Score! And this looks interesting, and this, and this...
Squirrel!
Did you know that audiobooks are actually "gateway" books? You did? Good for you. I found that out the hard way. A somewhat rando selection led me to the genre of "urban fantasy," a genre that I didn't even know existed. I didn't even finished the one I got before I virtually scampered over to my favorite book store with "FREE SHIPPING to Alaska" and ordered the entire 11 volume series. And guess what?
They had a sale.
Or maybe it is because "just because."
Whatever the excuse, I've noticed several folks around here are suddenly spending money like drunken sailors on shore leave.
Or like sun-deprived Alaskans who are emerging out of their cold-induced funks into the manic glory of 24 hours per day of visible sunlight.
I am one of them.
Which is sort of odd because I generally do not like to shop. I especially do not like to browse. If I have to buy something, I want to get that one thing, and bail. I do not want to linger. I do not want to surf. Brick and mortar. Virtual. Do not matter. Buy and bail, that's me.
Usually.
During Breakup that changes. And that change is predictable. It starts with the arrival of my garden porn, aka seed catalogs. Suddenly I am forking over for heirloom seeds, multiple varieties of the same leafy green vegetable (why settle for a mere 3 kinds of kale?), and various gadgets I suddenly need when I never had before.
Next is the clothes and funky household items spree. It goes like this:
Me: Squee! Company X finally has exactly that perfect [fill in the blank] I've been looking for, for years! Yes! And there's a nice little sale on-line on that perfect [fill in the blank] that includes "FREE SHIPPING to Alaska." Of course, you have to spend a minimum of 75 bucks for that "FREE SHIPPING to Alaska" but who cares! I will get that perfect [fill in the blank] in several colors so I never have to buy that perfect [fill in the blank] again!
Company X: Dear Ms. Fleeks, We here at Company X love you but we really didn't intend to ship that 50 pound box to you for free. That offer is just for folks who live in the Continental US. Send us more money.
Me: Oh, puleeze. I do NOT owe you a dime. I got a Bachelor of Science DEGREE in GEOGRAPHY, you illiterate gussak. Do NOT make a sun-deprived sister whip off her ear muffs and school you about the North American plate.
Company X: Shit.
I have long maintained that it is clear that too much sunlight turns this otherwise sane Afro-Alaskan completely daft; see above.
Where I tend to completely lose it, tho, is books. Specifically inexpensive, used books that just call for being read while sprawled out in a super, duper, d-luxe, outdoor lounge chair in the glory that is an Interior Alaska afternoon. Or morning. Or anytime that is not o'bug-thirty, that special time when every mosquito and no-see-em decides to check out what you are grilling for dinner.
Now I read a lot. Always have. My tastes are small "c" catholic. Geography, history, light fiction, erotica, pop science, back of the cereal box. It does not matter. If it is in English or conversional level Spanish, I'll give it a go.
As I have gotten older, my tastes have developed a definite seasonality. I notice that I hit up non-fiction, pop science, biography, etc., mainly in the winter. Summertime, I binge on the gummie-bears-for-the-mind sections: mysteries, thrillers, all things Nora Roberts/Michael Connelly/James Lee Burke. Once we get past 10 hours of visible light here, I'm all about the genre fiction.
Which brings me back to free.
I also binge on iTunes this time of year. Specifically free podcasts. I love me some podcasts, especially of the story telling variety. I subscribe to a few new ones each spring and then load up as many episodes as I can to transfer to my elderly (PRODUCT)RED iPod.
By some sort of: a) wild coincidence, or b) nefarious quest for total global domination, many of these podcasts include offers for "free" audiobooks from Audible.com, which is a part of the on-line shopping behemoth, Amazon.com. As it happens I am an Amazon customer because it is one way I can get my hands on various widgets with "FREE SHIPPING to Alaska" with a minimum order of 25 bucks.
Which is how I finally got that totally indestructible cast iron wok that I suddenly really, really, really needed.
Again, too much sunshine = completely losing the plot.
This year I finally succumbed to the siren call of a "free" audiobook. "I'll just get the one," I thought. "No harm there." So I got an expensive one. For "free." He he! Suckas!
But wait ...
There apparently is a "sale." A pretty good one at that. Really. That book I've been meaning to read is about 22,000 hours long and about half price. Score! And this looks interesting, and this, and this...
Squirrel!
Did you know that audiobooks are actually "gateway" books? You did? Good for you. I found that out the hard way. A somewhat rando selection led me to the genre of "urban fantasy," a genre that I didn't even know existed. I didn't even finished the one I got before I virtually scampered over to my favorite book store with "FREE SHIPPING to Alaska" and ordered the entire 11 volume series. And guess what?
They had a sale.
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